A Humming, Laughing Rabbi

Meets A Disconsolate Goy

Bernard Josephson

-- Rabbi, why are you always humming and laughing?

-- I shouldn't hum and laugh?

-- It's not that, but what's so funny?

-- What isn't funny?

-- Lot's of things.

-- Tell me one.

-- All right, for one thing I'm not funny.

-- That's already funny.

-- Come on, you know what I mean.  Life is a serious business, an endless quest for meaning and all that sort of thing.

-- Ah, I begin to see your problem.  Well, let me tell you a story.  Maybe this will help you out. There was a man from Odessa who married a shiksa.  He was a poor man but very clever.  She was beautiful as shiksas go and from a prosperous family.  But the marriage made everyone else unhappy and soon even the newly weds began to experience tsuris of one kind or another.  You know what tsuris is?

-- I know what tsuris is.

-- Good.  One day there was no money for food.  How can I go to the market without money for food? she nagged her husband.   Go to Herzl the butcher, her husband said, and tell him to give you something for supper.  I did that last week, she said, and he just laughed.  Tell him again, the husband said.  Tell him this time it's getting serious.  The wife went to the market and told Herzl the butcher her husband's words.  The butcher thought about it for a moment and said, What's serious?  We have nothing to eat, the wife said stamping her foot.  Then buy some meat, the butcher said, pointing to the handsome carcasses hanging on hooks.  We have no money, the wife lamented.  Get some money, the butcher replied.  How? where? said cried. My husband is a poor man.  You husband is a poor man but he married a rich woman, the butcher said with a wicked grin.   That's not funny, she said indignantly and left, empty handed as she had expected all along.  She went home and told her husband Herzl the butcher had insulted her and her family.  What did he say, the husband asked.  When the wife told him, the husband had to admit Herzl the butcher was right.  I married a rich woman and I have nothing to eat.  Herzl is right.  This is not serious, this is very funny.  And he began to laugh and laugh.

This a funny story, don't you think?

-- I don't see the humor in it.

-- I didn't think you would.  But it's funny all the same.  You  have to take my word for it.

-- You're a big help.

-- All right.  I'll explain.  Let us say for your purpose that the butcher is Almighty God and he has all the meat we can eat.  For your problem you can maybe change the word meat to meaning.  He has all the meaning you can possible take in.  But you have to pay for it.

-- Why is that funny?

-- Because nobody has the money!  Nobody has the money.

-- Well, then, if that's so, it's tragic and God is heartless.

-- God is not heartless.  We don’t understand him, that's all. 

-- And that's what makes you hum and laugh all the time?

-- Listen.  The poor Jew had his supper. He always does.  And he had a good laugh.  You begin to get it now?

-- Not exactly.

-- Well, my friend,  you say you are looking for meaning and that this is a serious matter.  I'll give you a little secret:  it doesn't help for you to worry about it.  You should maybe just sit back, relax, and laugh a little.  You'll feel better and enjoy life more.  Take my word for it.   When you can't do something about a problem, let it alone.  The problem will take care of itself.  You'll see.  Somehow it always does.

-- I don't buy that.  Problems don't always work out right.

-- Ah!, you won't  buy it.  So now we've found your problem.  But if you would buy it, my friend, you would be smiling all the time too.

-- Well, maybe I don't buy it  because I don't have the money, like you say.

-- Yes, yes, I see that, I see that.  So, my friend, now you can do one of two things.  You can go find a rich woman and hope for the best.  Or you can go to Herzl the butcher and ask him for a favor. 

-- You're saying ask God for a favor?

-- Why not?  I'll tell you another secret, a really big secret.  Herzl the butcher has a weakness for poor people who come into his shop looking like they know a good joke or two.

-- Humming and laughing I suppose.

-- Believe me, it wouldn't hurt.

 

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