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To Live by Faith

By Fr. Dominic Rover, O.P.

To live by faith

is to live peacefully, prayerfully,

hopefully, hopelessly, outside myself.

  At peace with myself

yet outside myself.

Not leaning on myself, old rubber-legs,

but leaning on God Who stands up straight

and begs us, almost, to lean on Him,

God with His daily gift

of hard rocks and white flowers.

To live by faith

is to live outside myself.

To live by faith is to be at home

and yet a stranger in my own house.

It is to be sure about God

yet unsure about everything that is not grounded in God

yet sure about everything

because everything can be grounded in God.

To live by faith

       is to stop justifying myself

to stop frowning

to stop whimpering

like a cropped poodle on Pablum

To live by faith

  is to stop wondering why things don’t turn out right.

To live by faith

is to stop talking –– when talk is fear or frenzy

    or a giddy cover-up,

when talk is all about

          setting things right, my way.

Dear God, to stop talking!

To live by faith is to be silent, to be dumb,

       to be led dumb to the shearers,

  to be at peace without the silk or the slime of words.

To live by faith

is to be content to be silent

so that He can speak

with the wordless words of the Word.

To live by faith

is to need to be obedient

which is to enter the world of another

as guest and quiet victim

and secret sharer.

To live by faith

is not to be sour about anything

because Jesus is sweet

and His plans for me honey to my mouth,

with bitter seeds in it, yes, 

that explode each hour like Contac,

to become–– small beads of honey,

each of a different taste.

To live by faith

   is to die to my own thoughts about myself,

to die to any plans

  any plans

  any plans

I  might make for myself

(Lord Jesus, be Lord of me, and let your plans

for me come true before my dreams despoil them!)

To live by faith

is not so much to leap

as to fall,

not so much to hold fast

as to let go.

To live by faith

is a lovely awkward dive

from a 20-meter board

that always ends, blue splash and all,

in a daring clean-cut entry

into water,

an element not mine,

so  cold at first,

but easier after awhile

when my warmth, poor little fish,

becomes one with the warmth of the water.

To live by faith is a gold-medal dive

that is all His doing

and yet my dive,

my fall,

my womb-like watery homecoming.

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